Gigli: A Best Worst Movie

Gigli is a best worst movie.  Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez give Hollywood’s textbook performance on how to lose 70 million dollars in the box office, and the film is probably insulting to both gay and intellectually disabled communities.  The title, Gigli, which we find out “rhymes with really,” is infamously vague, and a poor attempt at hooking in a curious audience.

This

IMDB gives such an admirable plot synopsis that it would be wrong written any other way.  Here it is: “The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold, and a retarded man came to be best friends through a hostage.”  Ergo, viewers won’t be surprised that Gigli scored a 2.4/10 on IMDB or a 7% on the Tomatometer.

sums

things up.

What could have been an interesting twist on Affleck’s portrayal of Gigli was actually just a strange plot hole.  We are told he keeps zero books in his house, and are led to think this is because he is illiterate--a plot device that would both explain his employment with the mafia and his empathy towards Brian, their intellectually disabled hostage.  But no, Larry Gigli just doesn’t enjoy reading.

Plot twist: the audience will actually appreciate Christopher Walken’s cameo. Simply put, this is because it doesn’t suck.  He talks about going to Marie Callender's, acts grumpy, and scowls a lot, so Walken looks right at home.

Like all other films on this blog, I guarantee a bounty of awful quotes. Here are some of the best from Gigli:

“This must be mental-fuckin'-illness week!”
“Suck-my-dick.com.”
“In traditional Tai Moi Chai, there are five levels of digital orb extrusion.”