Forest Warrior is a best worst movie. Released straight to VHS in 1996, this Norris family production is like something out of a boy scout-hippie's wet dream. Directed by Aaron Norris, and starring Chuck himself, Forrest Warrior round house kicks the message of eco-stewardship until it looks boring and low budget.
According to legend, John McKenna is the spirit of Mount Rainier, a warrior who can transform into a wolf, eagle, bear, or Chuck Norris. He is known locally for saving women's lives and something weird called Soul Vision. Needless to say, when a group of greedy loggers come to clear cut the forest, they are met with a pandemic of slow motion ass whooping.
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| "A mythical warrior and a group of adventurous kids must battle the odds to save the wilderness." |
Spirit Chuck and a ragtag group of five kids take it upon themselves to stop Travis Thorne (Terry Kiser, the legend from Weekend at Bernie’s), the corporate logging honcho. When Thorne's lackeys maliciously destroy the children's tree house with dynamite, an act that nearly takes the life of young Austeen, Forest Warrior becomes a classic 1990's game of Home Alone. The kids spring a number of mischievous traps including a set of homemade caltrops, some stinging nettle, and a rock-and-roll bit so distracting that Thorne's lumberjacks literally break character and perform a dance.
Though Forest Warrior means well, the film is so bad that it could be perceived as insulting to Native American history. In the name of children's entertainment, director Aaron Norris's only film has unintentionally molested the concepts of folk lore, oral history, and forest conservancy.
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| If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around, it hears Chuck Norris. |
Some of Forest Warrior's strangest moments include: the opening credits where Chuck Norris is shown running in slow motion for three minutes straight; some sexually symbolic shots of bark stripping machinery; and a scene that looks eerily similar to Boromir's death from the Fellowship of the Ring. It's hard to imagine how Forest Warrior even earned a 2.7 on IMDB with quotes like these:
"I've saved the forest from your carelessness, now I'll save it from your greed."
"Well if there is nothing I can do to change your mind...(turns into a bear, deepens voice)...then maybe I can."
"That power was called down by the bear and it touched McKenna, and the spirits of the mountain joined in him."
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